Day 15-16: I feel like I should be doing more

After spending Tuesday on the couch sleeping for the majority of the day, Wednesday was a lot more productive, in comparison.

Mac has been waking me up at 5:30 then 6:30 every morning. I don't know if he hears mom and dad upstairs and doesn't want to miss out (he has some serious FOMO). But it has me exhausted and usually by 2 I need a nap. But Tuesday was really bad. I don't know if the stress of everything, especially the constant news on here, or my allergies from all of the trees abloom here, but I was out for most of the day.

Wednesday went a lot better since I had quite a few work things I wanted to get done including a lesson (the last new content of AP Calculus BC) to teach.

I am starting to feel antsy. Want to do something but I don't know what. I ordered yarn online so I can maybe keep my hands busy with making a blanket but with the world being what it is right now that is taking far too long to get to me. I am ever aware of how accustomed we have become to things like fast shipping turn around times and the luxury of going to the store without a panic attack.

I have started learning Spanish through the app Duolingo and it has been really fun. It recommends you spend 15 minutes a day but I am spending hours because I sit down and don't know what else to do so I put in my headphones and repeat "Yo quiero pagar un vestido marron" and my mom asks me who I am talking to and my dad giggles over his puzzle. This is our new normal. It also includes my mom saying at least once a day that she misses Nick, Emily, and Addy... as we all do... even dad who can't say so but who came in the living room and put the tv on PBS kids. We knew what he meant.

I am tired of terms like "social distancing" and "new normal." And all the "feel good" stories of people celebrating birthdays via Zoom irritate me now. I cried while eating my pizza Tuesday because of a story on the news about a doctor who had to keep her children at bay when she came home from work because you know that's the "new normal." While the statistics fascinated my mathematician heart at first the empath in me is now exhausted by the exponential growth we are witnessing.

I just want it to all be over. I want to go back to my classroom with my students and I will never ever complain about needing a day off again. I am so sorry I said I could use a little quarantine time. I want to so just take it all back. How arrogant and selfish I was.

On a bright side, I know my fellow CTE teachers and students have fired up all of their 3D printers to start making masks for hospitals. They are sharing supplies including raiding the warehouse of all of its overhead projector film. I am sad that my printer is sitting silent in my classroom because I am here in the center of the state and not printing away to help the cause.

Just because I am missing a Spring Break trip that never actually got planned his a throwback to my trip last year with two good friends in Austin, Texas.

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